“I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade itor fix it.”
As everybody does, I had and have my share of darkness. Never feeling really connected, I struggled through my teenage years. At University, this became a dark depression.
A psychologist helped me struddle through.
An ambitious perfectionist, starting out as a management trainee, there were so many ways in which I could improve myself. The programme I was in supported this habit whole-heartedly. My focus of healing became ‘personal effectiveness at work’.
As I crashed in my energy levels the first time, I found support through NLP based therapy, more coaching and spiritual healing. Teaching me about building and maintaining an effective energy balance.
Over the years I’ve experienced a lot of different approaches to therapy, coaching and healing. And a lot of, usually quite skilled, people taking on that role. And these days, I teach clean language & symbolic modelling as a tool for change work, which has it’s roots firmly in therapy settings.
What all this has learned me, is that by far the most potent way to help ourselves or someone else heal, is to allow.
We are so prone to ‘fixing problems’, it’s like a societal reflex. We start fixing something that even seems uncomfortable, before anything else. And as you can see around you, this produces mostly band-aids, temporary fixes. Or we deny it really is that painful, showing our ‘strength’ to the outside world, possibly using another reframe to make things better at the surface.
But our mind and body have such healing power in themselves! It took me a long time to find out.
The key is in truly allowing the uncomfortable feelings to be, to feel them and stay present with them. Not go into action straight away, not go into analysing them. But also not to get carried away in them, dissolving into whatever emotion it is.
Instead: stay present and breathe into them, while continuing to feel what you feel.
When you can do this, things will start to shift eventually.
You might not know beforehand how they will shift, but it will be in the interest of your healing. Nature will take it’s course.
As Rumi said in his poem The Guest House: “Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been send as a guide from beyond.”
And it takes courage, every time.