Amazing, how every time I have to convince myself.
I can often feel myself longing to be outside in nature.
That is, if I bother to pay attention.
And my mind knows being in nature always makes me feel fulfilled, connected and happy. Really. Always. Soaking in the treas, feeling the Earth, hearing the birds, the wind. Meditating, connecting with Her is so much more powerful here. It reminds me of our true nature.
And yet, so often, ‘I don’t get around to it’. A day goes by, and I haven’t been feeling the wind other than while I’m running some errands.
– There are other things that need doing (- which can all wait, at least 99% of the time.)
– It’s too big a fuss to get my feisty strong-willed little girl dressed and at the forest (it does take some effort to direct her energy there some days).
– I am too tired (- going slow could work just as well, and it might just give me energy.)
– It seems like such a big task in my brain fogged mind (- it actually isn’t once I’ve done it).
They are all relevant excuses, quite good ones, as I often buy into them.
But at the heart of it, I am recognising something else:
Going outside means saying goodbye to the comfort of my home. Where it’s always warm enough and where there is food when I need it. I could explain how being chronically ill, I have trouble keeping my body temperature up and my energy supply up. But actually, what this is about, is that at home I’m in control. And that is so much easier.
I am not surrendering to the uncertainty of leaving my home.
Instead, I can dress warm, I can make sure I ate, and I can make sure to go back again before I need more food. I just choose, unconsciously, to stick with comfort.
This is the first step of initiation as Klara Adalena shows in this 20 minute documentary. I am recognising it, and it makes me aware that I need to stop giving into the seduction of comfort. It is just one of the things that make life attractive, and I don’t want it to get in the way of who I can be. I don’t want ‘how can I feel most comfortable’ to be the leading motive in my life. Because being true to myself means to stay at the edge, and the edge has edginess..
I am sacrificing my focus on comfort this Midwinter, with you as my witness.