Tag Archives: Meditation

A rumble on the hill

This is a rocky road. My circumstances are asking me to make big shifts. Shifts on the inside, and quite possibly shifts on the outside, making difficult decisions.

When I was riding my bike today, it hit me: I want to feel free again!

I find it really hard, to let go of relationships. I will work at them and myself to make them work. My relationships with my company, and the two friends I started this company with, are very dear to me. But in my struggle to get well again, and to get back to work, apparently, I do not feel free anymore.

So something needs to change.

And pondering this while I was walking in my beloved forest, I felt my attention dropping down in my body. Connecting more deeply to myself. Inviting my  Goddess to join me.

I sat down to meditate on the top of a small hill, the sun shining through. Becoming more and more grounded. While I was widening my attention to hear everything there was to hear, I also saw in my mind’s eye, a symbol that came to me before. It feels like a symbol that deeply connects me to Her. And while I was meditating, that symbol grew and encompassed all of me. And right at that moment, the wind grew really strong and I shivered.

And I realised: this is what it is to be a wild woman, true to my nature.. To be fully present and feel the cold, the heat, the fight and the strength of all emotions. To allow myself to live all of this fully..

And the next moment, I was suddenly surrounded by four big black dogs, Great Danes I think. Sitting down, they were as tall as I was. They were being walked by their owners, and must have been curious. They had ran up the hill, and were instantly jumping on me and pushing me.

And I was  very calm and firm, telling them twice ‘No, this is not okay’. And then they ran off again.

I found myself observing this with curiosity. Because I felt calm throughout all of it. Even though they were challenging my boundaries, crossing them, there wasn’t a moment that I feared they would break them, or would be able to hurt me. There wasn’t even a moment I thought it would go on for too long.

It was an amazing experience of being present in myself. Not distracted by fear. No ideas as to what should or shouldn’t happen or should have happened. And the calmness inside me remained all the way through.

Now this is useful new ground! This kind of presence brings unshakable being.

Thank you Goddess, for showing me the way.

And I want more of that, so I’ll continue my practice 🙂

I don’t know what will happen in my relationships, but I know now that I have this ability to be calm and present in times of uproar. That will give me a new perspective all by itself.

Bye bye comfort

Amazing, how every time I have to convince myself.

I can often feel myself longing to be outside in nature.

That is, if I bother to pay attention.

And my mind knows being in nature always makes me feel fulfilled, connected and happy. Really. Always. Soaking in the treas, feeling the Earth, hearing the birds, the wind. Meditating, connecting with Her is so much more powerful here. It reminds me of our true nature.

And yet, so often, ‘I don’t get around to it’. A day goes by, and I haven’t been feeling the wind other than while I’m running some errands. Continue reading Bye bye comfort

The little voice of intuition

The other day, I was shopping for clothes pins at a general department-kind of store. While I was looking for the pins, my eyes were caught by the dishwasher tablets. This was unusual because:

  1. We usually do a weekly grocery shopping trip, and they would be on the list if we need them.
  2. My love is the one to use the dishwasher tablets, as he is the one to go to bed last.

I found my mind going into: is this a good price? Should I buy some? And then dismissing the thought. Because I it’s just not practical to buy bits of groceries one by one, whenever they happen to catch my attention.  Continue reading The little voice of intuition

Weakness to Source

Years ago, when I was recovering from a severe burn-out, a therapist told me:

“You really need an hour at the end of each day, to tend to yourself”

At the time, I kind of knew she was right. And for years I used yoga at the beginning and end of each day to help me do this.

It worked well.

And yet, it has always felt like a weakness. The fact that I needed to do this, or end up overwhelmed. Continue reading Weakness to Source

1001 ways not to be fully present

So many ways… I will spare you the specifics of the other 986 ways, as the above will give you plenty of opportunity to get yourself lost in space or time.

I am good at not being fully present.

It can be a very calming, it can give me lots of ideas and lull me into a false sense of security, all at the same time. It can seem like perfect ways to relax and unwind. Continue reading 1001 ways not to be fully present

Healing Ways – Allowing (2)

I read a wonderful example of the practice of allowing this week. In this earlier post, I shared how I feel allowing is maybe the most powerful way of healing that is available to us.

In a blogpost by Oriah, she describes her annoyance with the leaf blower that is put to use on her neighbours premises, at exactly 8 am each Monday morning.

In the past she had tried to ignore it (didn’t work), to reframe it in a way it would make sense to her (didn’t work), or got angry with it (not sure that was satisfactory to her either). Continue reading Healing Ways – Allowing (2)