Tag Archives: Sacred Feminine

Learning about Fire

Slowly I’m building a stack of small pieces of wood. A mini-tipi is what I’m after, with a bit of cheating in the middle: a small block of firelighter.

Even with the cheating, I don’t feel comfortable at all that this little tipi is the start of a warm fire in our stove. The match lights up the firelighter, and after a while the tipi starts to burn as well. So far so good.. Continue reading Learning about Fire

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A rumble on the hill

This is a rocky road. My circumstances are asking me to make big shifts. Shifts on the inside, and quite possibly shifts on the outside, making difficult decisions.

When I was riding my bike today, it hit me: I want to feel free again!

I find it really hard, to let go of relationships. I will work at them and myself to make them work. My relationships with my company, and the two friends I started this company with, are very dear to me. But in my struggle to get well again, and to get back to work, apparently, I do not feel free anymore.

So something needs to change.

And pondering this while I was walking in my beloved forest, I felt my attention dropping down in my body. Connecting more deeply to myself. Inviting my  Goddess to join me.

I sat down to meditate on the top of a small hill, the sun shining through. Becoming more and more grounded. While I was widening my attention to hear everything there was to hear, I also saw in my mind’s eye, a symbol that came to me before. It feels like a symbol that deeply connects me to Her. And while I was meditating, that symbol grew and encompassed all of me. And right at that moment, the wind grew really strong and I shivered.

And I realised: this is what it is to be a wild woman, true to my nature.. To be fully present and feel the cold, the heat, the fight and the strength of all emotions. To allow myself to live all of this fully..

And the next moment, I was suddenly surrounded by four big black dogs, Great Danes I think. Sitting down, they were as tall as I was. They were being walked by their owners, and must have been curious. They had ran up the hill, and were instantly jumping on me and pushing me.

And I was  very calm and firm, telling them twice ‘No, this is not okay’. And then they ran off again.

I found myself observing this with curiosity. Because I felt calm throughout all of it. Even though they were challenging my boundaries, crossing them, there wasn’t a moment that I feared they would break them, or would be able to hurt me. There wasn’t even a moment I thought it would go on for too long.

It was an amazing experience of being present in myself. Not distracted by fear. No ideas as to what should or shouldn’t happen or should have happened. And the calmness inside me remained all the way through.

Now this is useful new ground! This kind of presence brings unshakable being.

Thank you Goddess, for showing me the way.

And I want more of that, so I’ll continue my practice 🙂

I don’t know what will happen in my relationships, but I know now that I have this ability to be calm and present in times of uproar. That will give me a new perspective all by itself.

My descent into the Underworld

I spend January on a different kind of field trip. I joined the 21 day online Sadhana, that Chameli Ardagh was guiding, following Inanna’s journey into the Underworld. And what a ride that was! Continue reading My descent into the Underworld

The girl and the Lioness

Once upon a time, there was a girl.

She was young, smart and curious, and she was always working out how the world around her worked.

When are people nice?

How do you get people to help you? 

Why are they fighting? 

What do people do to fix things?

Where does my mom store the candy now?

And the more she learned, the more she saw and thought she understood.  Continue reading The girl and the Lioness

Night time

Being chronically ill brings challenges. Most days are okay. And sometimes life brings big challenges.

My colleagues have been very supportive, but there is a time when being ‘partner’ in a firm is no longer an option. And that is a tough fact to swallow. We are still looking for options and solutions, but it is clear things will have to change.

And this really gets to me. This is my ‘first born’. I put my heart and soul into the business we created over the years, and it is beautiful.

One night, when I found myself unable to sleep, feeling raw with an upcoming flu – and lots of emotion. Continue reading Night time

A love taboo

Falling in love is an amazing – let the whole world sing – experience. I always wanted to make it last as long as I could (especially two-way, no complications attractions). The addictive nature of all the hormones, the pure bliss of having been seen by your love takes over everything, and it’s hard not to talk about. Or rather: it’s hard not to shout it out from the rooftops, as your heart keeps singing! Continue reading A love taboo

The little voice of intuition

The other day, I was shopping for clothes pins at a general department-kind of store. While I was looking for the pins, my eyes were caught by the dishwasher tablets. This was unusual because:

  1. We usually do a weekly grocery shopping trip, and they would be on the list if we need them.
  2. My love is the one to use the dishwasher tablets, as he is the one to go to bed last.

I found my mind going into: is this a good price? Should I buy some? And then dismissing the thought. Because I it’s just not practical to buy bits of groceries one by one, whenever they happen to catch my attention.  Continue reading The little voice of intuition